just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
