some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
