he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
