Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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