I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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