How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
