She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
