I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
