How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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