I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
