hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You left your phone here
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