Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
