During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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