I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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