I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
