I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
