Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
