Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper

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(940): View more from Texas

Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.

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(248): View more from Michigan

On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.

(443): View more from Maryland

Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle

(410): View more from Maryland

I really hate whoever invented fireball.

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