just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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