Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
