i don't like sucking hair
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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