You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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