If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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