he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
