This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
