i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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