R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
