i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
