dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
