I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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