yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
