Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
