i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
