That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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