Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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