i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
