Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize