I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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