You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
