Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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