you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
