shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
