He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
