You can't special order awesome
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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