i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dicks are not precious.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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