so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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