i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
