Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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