I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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