Moan for me like Helen Keller
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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