I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
