I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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