you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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