How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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