you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
