he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
