please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
