i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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