dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
