So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize