sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
