Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
