boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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