just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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