I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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