I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
