Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
