Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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