I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
