Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
