I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sext me about skeletons
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
