I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
